she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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