Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
