I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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