Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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