im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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