i dont even know how to be here
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
