my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
