i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
