I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
