yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
