Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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