Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
