I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
