This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
