I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
