You made me cry and you don't even care
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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