I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
