you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
