remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
