Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
