Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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