I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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