Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize