If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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