trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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