I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
