just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
