put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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