i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
