Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
