Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
