I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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