The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
