where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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