Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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