Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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