dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
