First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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