so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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