I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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