we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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