You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
