I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
