I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
