Screwed.edu
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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