I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
