Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
