I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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