things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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