Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
