I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize