This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
