mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
