Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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