"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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