So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she smelled like a LAN party
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His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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