I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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