in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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