so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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