Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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