Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
