i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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