Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
