tell your sister to shave her snatch
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
