I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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