were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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