I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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