Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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