we made out on top of his cat.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
