Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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